Jealousy
by RavenclawDoctorSilveo
Summary: Short oneshot about Petunia. I may make it longer; we'll see.


The sun shone on the red hair that flew past Petunia's eyes, making it look like Lily's head was on fire. They had come up the hill to one of the only places in Cokesworth that got sunlight, and that looked somewhat like a place people would want to live near. The girls themselves lived in a small house about a mile down from the hill with the playground, and they had been lucky enough to have a backyard. Petunia knew that they were lucky because of the glares and nasty looks she got at school, mostly from children who were not fortunate enough to have grass, or a small garden.

The hill overlooked a dirty town, which was where most of the children at the girls' school lived. In the distance, a large, foreboding chimney stood watch over the area like a sentinel. Whether it was keeping people protected or enclosing them the girls never knew. It was a stuffy sort of town, but the only place they could afford. At least their house wasn't run-down like the ones near the factory.

Petunia and Lily were swinging, and it was the most fun Petunia had had since school had ended. It was rather hot, but the girls didn't care. As long as they were moving, they were fine. Petunia laughed as Lily swung higher and higher—and then she realized what her younger sister was about to do.

"Lily, don't do it!" she shrieked, terrified and indignant. Their mother had scolded Lily for jumping off the swing the previous week, and she had warned them against doing so in the future, because she was worried about Lily's safety. But Lily paid no heed and jumped off with a shout of joy. She flew for a few seconds, then landed slowly. Petunia wished she could fly. It wasn't fair.

"Mummy told you not to," she said, dragging the heels of her sandals in the ground to stop her own swing. Lily's swing was moving wildly back and forth like some crazed horse. Petunia got off the swing and put her hands on her hips. "Mummy said you weren't allowed, Lily."

But Lily wasn't listening. She had picked up a flower that had fallen from a bush and was holding it out in her closed fist. She opened her hand to show Petunia, and the flower opened its petals and closed them. It reminded Petunia of a sea anemone.

"How do you do it?" She blurted the words out, unable to keep the longing from her voice.

Lily giggled.

"It's obvious, isn't it," said a new voice. Petunia gave a little scream and backed away, but Lily stayed put. She was brave, and had no reason to be frightened of strange boys. Or to be jealous.

"What's obvious?" Lily faltered, torn between curiosity and the urge to run away. Petunia watched from next to the swing pole.

"I know what you are," said the boy. He looked vaguely familiar and was wearing odd clothes that didn't match, and a dusty black coat that looked like it belonged to a grown man. Petunia rolled her eyes. If he was trying to be dramatic, he was overdoing it a little. "You're…you're a witch."

"That's not a very nice thing to say to somebody!" Lily flounced off towards Petunia.

"No!" said the boy, blushing. "You are," he told Lily as he came forward, looking rather like a bat. "You are a witch." He said it like he saw witches every day. "But there's nothing wrong with that. My mum's one, and I'm a wizard."

This was so bizarre that Petunia had to get Lily away. "Wizard!" she shrieked. "_I_ know who you are. You're that Snape boy." The small family with the drunk father. Tobias Snape was friendly with Petunia's own father. They got drunk together, apparently. Tobias wasn't very nice. Petunia had run into him at the drugstore when he was drunk. She didn't want to be mixing with someone like _that_. "They live down Spinner's End, by the river," she told Lily, knowing that Lily would figure it out. That was where the drunk man lived, all the kids knew that.

"Come on, Lily. We're leaving." She walked down the hill without looking back to see if Lily was following her. Wizard, honestly. There were no such things as wizards and witches. They did not exist. And Lily…Lily could do all those freaky things because…she was tricking Petunia. She had to be. Witch! Huh.

* * *

"It doesn't make any difference."

The words were a constant refrain in Petunia's head: _It doesn't make any difference._ The only problem was, it _did_ make a difference. It made a very big difference to her that her sister was a witch, and was going to a school for magic, and Petunia was plainly not.

It just wasn't fair that Lily got to go off and learn magic and be all special, while Petunia had to stay in Cokesworth, going to regular, boring school, listening to regular, boring people, and generally having a regular, boring time. Petunia wanted some excitement in her life, something different from the dreary place she had lived in all her dreary life.

In short, though she would never admit it, Petunia Evans was jealous.

'How do you do it?' She heard herself whisper in the back of her mind. She remembered that day, and everything that had come crashing down with it.

'I know what you are,' that boy had said to Lily. 'You're a witch...and I'm a wizard."

Petunia had found that to be utter nonsense - for about two seconds. Because it really did make sense, that Lily was a witch. And it fit in with the rest of her whole damn life, too, that _Lily_ would be the witch, and Petunia would be the regular, boring, dreary, cast-aside older sister. The sister of a girl who was good and innocent and _magical_. Petunia was not innocent, nor was she magical, and that little knife of jealousy that had entered her heart was slowly turning her away from the goodness that she had grown up with, that she had taught Lily.

Maybe if that Snape boy hadn't told Lily... It was all Lily's fault, really, Petunia reasoned. Lily had to go and get born, and get born to be a witch. Petunia knew that she was hating Lily for no good reason, and that they had had the best of times together, but now that was different, because Lily Evans was a witch and her older sister Petunia was not.

* * *

Petunia glared around at the wizards and witches swarming all over the train station. She glared at them, knowing that she hated them only because she was jealous. When the two girls were younger, they had each sworn to each other that they would never be jealous of the other. And Petunia was breaking that promise so thoroughly that she hated herself with a passion.

"Tuney, can I talk to you?"

Petunia turned to find her nervous-looking sister standing behind her.

Petunia rolled her eyes to keep her expression from twisting into one of resentment and jealousy. "Fine." She glanced over at their parents, who were looking around as if it were a movie that had suddenly become real. Lily grabbed her arm and pulled her a little ways away from their parents.

"Tuney," began Lily, "I know you're a little bit envi-"

Petunia glared at her younger sister. "I am _not_ envious of you, Lily Rose Evans."

Lily raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. "Tuney," she started again, but Petunia turned away. "No, Tuney, listen. I-"

"You what?" spat Petunia, trying to keep her voice down. A passing boy with long blonde hair glared at her like she had some disease.

"I just want to say I'm-" Lily tried again, but Petunia cut her off.

"Don't tell me you're _sorry_," she said.

"I'm sorry, Tuney, I'm sorry! Listen-" she reached for the older girl's hand as Petunia tried to pull away. "Listen: maybe once I'm there-"

Petunia glared and tried to jerk away, even though some part of her wanted to hear what Lily had to say.

"No, listen, Tuney! Maybe once I'm there, I'll be able to go to Professor Dumbledore and persuade him to change his mind!"

"I-don't-want-to-go!" she hissed, each word punctuated with a tug of her arm. Succeeding in getting it out of her sister's grasp, she turned her glare on Lily. "You think I want to go to some stupid castle and learn to be a-a..." she glanced around the platform full of people. She took in the animals milling about, the odd appearances of some of the wizards who were wearing long, flowing robes and funny hats, and the even odder appearances of the wizards who had tried to look like normal people-with normal clothes-and had failed. Miserably. She turned back to her sister.

"You think I want to be a-a freak?"

It was a low blow, and she knew it, but she just wanted her sister to maybe rethink the whole thing and not go. Then she could have her sister back...and the magical abilities the redhead possessed and her older sister did not.

"I'm not a freak." Lily's eyes started to fill. "That's a horrible thing to say."

"That's where you're going. A special school for freaks. You and that Snape boy..." Petunia thought about the dirty young boy with the strange name. He was odd, all right. And so were the rest of the people here. "Weirdos, that's what you two are."

Maybe it was better that Lily go and be with the freaks. She would be gone from Petunia's life and Petunia could just ignore the fact that she had a witch for a younger sister, and Lily had just a normal person. Apparently, normal people weren't good enough-especially not to the Snape boy, and Petunia was pretty sure the look the blonde boy had given her wasn't because of her raised voice.

"It's good you're being separated from normal people," she told her sister. "It's for our safety."

Lily looked over at their parents, who were still gazing about, absolutely entranced. "You didn't think it was such a freaks' school when you wrote to the headmaster and begged him to take you," she said fiercely.

Petunia was stunned. She felt the blood rushing to her face. How did Lily know about that?

"You shouldn't have read-that was my private-" she whispered. "How could you?"

Lily's eyes went over to the Snape boy, who was standing to the left of them with his mother.

Petunia gasped. "That boy found it! You and that boy have been sneaking in my room!"

How could Lily, really?

"No-not sneaking-"

The Lily she knew was nice, not sneaky and defensive. _I bet that boy turned her into an angry, defensive freak_, thought Petunia, _just like he is himself_.

"Severus saw the envelope, and he couldn't believe that a Muggle-" Petunia winced at the words "-could have contacted Hogwarts. He says there must be wizards working undercover in the postal service who take care of-"

Petunia was hurt that her sister had called her a Muggle, though not in such a derogatory way as that boy had in the park. She knew what Lily was doing, albeit inadvertently: Lily was separating them. She was the witch and her sister was the Muggle. And Muggles and witches don't mix. _Fine_, thought Petunia. _If she wants to be separate, then we will be separate. We'll never be the same again. See how she likes it_.

"Apparently wizards poke their noses in everywhere." _Two can play that game_. "Freak," she spat at her sister one last time before turning away and flouncing back to their parents.

She couldn't help but glance over at Lily, who was standing stock-still with a shocked and hurt expression.

And Petunia couldn't help but feel sorry for herself as she watched her sister board a train with that small, odd Snape boy, off to a magical castle to learn about things ordinary people couldn't do - things Petunia could never do. She felt sorry for herself because she had told Lily she would never, ever be jealous, and she was already pretty far gone on that front. She felt sorry for herself because the house would be lonely without the cheerful young redhead to fill up all the gaps in conversation, and to cheer up Petunia when she was angry. Which happened quite a lot since Lily had got her letter - the angry part, that is.

She hated herself for feeling sorry for herself. And she knew that, once a person was that far deep in the vast ocean of jealousy and resentment, it was hard to swim and not sink.


End file.
